Tongue
by Morgana Maeve
Summary: [A.U.][Axel.Roxas]  In the art of kissing, sometimes less is more.  Especially when it comes to probing.


Tongue

Morgana Maeve

Also known as: 'In Light of Recent Events.'

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why it's dangerous to go out with a writer, fanfiction or no. 'Cause this is what ends up happening.

Disclaimer – The Kingdom Heart series belongs to Square Enix and Disney. I make no profit from this. (Though I should.)

oOo

Roxas decided that he would never understand Axel's affinity for public displays of affection. He supposed he should be used to them, as Axel did it every single time they went out, but he really wished Axel would learn the meaning of incognito. Or maybe just tone things down a little bit.

Because, really, it was a bit much for him, standing under the awning of some faux-exotic restaurant that bled neon lights onto the sidewalk, completely trapped in a make-out session from hell. Roxas knew there were several onlookers – he heard giggling and could only assume a few girls had stopped to ogle – but he wasn't quite sure if the rest were hostile bigots holding pitchforks and torches or just innocent bystanders who were so horrified they couldn't look away.

"_It's as if they're looking at a train wreck,"_ he thought grimly. All in all, he felt like a train wreck, or maybe even a high-speed pile-up on a racetrack.

And it wasn't because Axel was a bad kisser – he was quite good at it in some respects; he had just never learned that the tongue is not an alien probe used to investigate the baser life form known as the mouth. If he learned that, Roxas would be more than happy to engage in impromptu kissing, though he wasn't sure that he would use a busy avenue in New York City as a backdrop. He would rather something a little more private and with less staring people around.

It was quite the turn-off to hear a woman say, "No, Timmy, don't look."

Once Roxas heard that, he knew it was about time to make Axel get off him, though this turned out to be particularly difficult. Axel was proving to be extremely resistant to any method of extraction, his hands only tightening their grip on Roxas as he tried to squirm away. And that was bad because one hand had managed to make its way into Roxas's back pocket, and Roxas's brain did an immediate mental shut-down as soon as he felt Axel's (very skilled) fingers cup his butt.

But Axel's tongue was still probing, which brought Roxas right back to reality, and with cunning deftness, Roxas brought his hand up, sliding it caressingly across Axel's cheek until it reached the desired location, and then proceeded to flick Axel's ear hard.

It had the wanted effect. Axel let go almost instantly, holding is wounded ear in his hands and staring at Roxas as if he had hurt his very soul instead of merely his ear. Roxas only glared back at him, watching a group of teenaged girls saunter off out of the corner of his eyes. So those were the gigglers.

"What was that for, Roxas?" Axel was trying to flash him the hurt puppy look, and Roxas was suddenly reminded of that time when he had asked Axel, in a sort of shy and embarrassed way, if he wanted to come up to his apartment and Axel had given him that look when it became apparent that Roxas was not surrendering the top position. The sad thing was, it had worked then and still continued to work now.

"That was for slobbering on me, you jerk," Roxas answered, embarrassment and annoyance coloring his words a little harshly.

"I wasn't slobbering on you!" Axel had the audacity to look offended.

"Yes, you were. In fact, you always have. And I keep telling you not to do that." While he was speaking, Roxas strode forward and through the door of the restaurant, eager to leave the sidewalk. Those girls might come back with friends and ask them to start making out again. Axel followed behind him.

Once they were seated, (under towering, fake palm trees no less) Roxas began to browse through the menu, having a little trouble deciphering the curly font used. The selections were outlandish, bordering on disgusting in some cases. Roxas read one entrée, wrinkled his nose, and then seized upon an idea.

"Axel." At the sound of his voice, Axel looked up from his menu, hand still scratching his head in confusion. "Let me order?" And then Roxas pulled the kicked puppy face. Axel stood no chance.

"Of course you can order!" he exclaimed, and then reached across the table as if to catch Roxas and kiss him again. Roxas put a hand up.

"Not before dinner," he said, which didn't really make sense since they had just been kissing outside, but Axel either didn't remember that or didn't want Roxas any more mad at him then he already was.

The waiter came then, fake accents and all, and Roxas held his menu up, pointing to the dinner he wanted. The waiter smiled pityingly at him and went off. Axel watched with raised eyebrows.

"What did you order?"

"It's a surprise."

And that was the end of the conversation until dinner arrived. Axel amused himself in the meantime by catching Roxas's eye every now and then and doing something phallic-like with his straw, and Roxas answered by fluctuating between being aroused and slightly weirded out.

Then dinner came, if the steaming lump of something gray and bulbous surrounded by broccoli could be called dinner. Axel poked the gray with his fork.

"What the hell is _this_?" he asked. "What'd you order?"

"That," Roxas said, spearing a bit of broccoli with his fork, "is cow tongue. And _you_ are going to _eat_ it."

Axel only stared at him, brain malfunctioning, the words 'cow tongue' echoing in his ears like a CD caught on repeat.

"Cow tongue?" he asked, looking from the meaty mass to Roxas. "You want me to eat _cow tongue_?" Roxas nodded, eyes closed, enjoying his broccoli.

"What's the matter? You don't want to?" There was something ominous about Roxas's tone that wasn't lost on Axel. Feeling it was for best that he didn't speak, Axel shook his head. "Well, why not?"

"Because it's cow tongue!" Axel yelled in desperation. "It's disgusting!"

"You love hamburgers," Roxas pointed out.

"But it's tongue!" Axel threw out his hands imploringly. "It's tongue and I don't want to eat tongue!"

"Exactly!" Roxas pointed his fork at Axel, and the little bit of broccoli caught on it seemed to reproach him.

"What do you mean 'exactly?'" Axel snapped, irritated. He really hated it when Roxas decided to be cryptic.

"You don't want to put that in your mouth because it's tongue," Roxas explained, waving his fork around in little circles. "You find the thought disgusting, just like the way I find your tongue sliding down my throat disgusting." Axel blinked at him. "So here's the deal: You eat that cow tongue, and I won't complain about your kissing prowess ever again. You don't eat that cow tongue, and we get to enjoy the forgotten art of closed-mouthed kissing until you can eat the cow tongue. Understand?"

"But that's different! I wouldn't mind your tongue in my mouth – God knows why you don't do it – but this is a cow's tongue!"

"So you would rather eat a human tongue?" Roxas asked, amused. Axel put his head down on the table.

"I'm not eating that," he said finally. Roxas shrugged.

"Then you don't get to go searching for cavities in my teeth," he said back.

"What's so bad about it anyway?" Axel groaned, peeking out at Roxas from between his arms. Roxas sighed.

"You know in the movies, how they kiss?" Axel nodded. "It doesn't work that way." Axel frowned. "Those are just actors. They need to convey the emotions, but they don't have to feel them. That's why it's always as if they're trying to eat each other's faces off. They're performing. You don't have to perform."

"You could have just told me that," Axel said, slightly miffed that Roxas felt he would have to stoop to blackmailing him with cow tongues to get him to listen. "I would have cut it out if you'd have told me you didn't like it."

"I never said I didn't like it," Roxas said, and Axel glanced at him. "I just don't want to be swallowing your tongue every time we kiss."

Axel grinned at him. "Well, then tell me that." Roxas looked pointedly at him, a bit of a blush coloring his cheeks.

"You still have to eat that," he said, pointing at the cow tongue, and Axel moaned again.

oOo

Well this certainly turned out longer than I expected.

Yes, chickies, the porn is coming. But I have to update 'Sick Day' too. That's next on the list. Then maybe porn.

Reviews are totally welcome and encouraged.


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